Fear of The Unknown

[Its long, bear with me.]

So recently, I had the opportunity to listen to quite a renowned preacher within the city of Windhoek speak about one thing that has plagued me most of my life. Yeah, I know hey (It scared me a bit-no wait, a lot). Sidetrack: If you not the "churchey type" I'm surprised you are still reading this, lol, but keep reading, don't stop, let me not distract you.

Anyway, moving on. Seated I was, listening, as he started speaking to me, about me, and the things that had been plaguing me like the lice infestation experienced in our grade 1 stream, way back, when cellular telephone communicators were but a dream.

He started highlighting why fear exists, and how easily we grab a hold of it, instead of the other way round. We resort to feeling afraid, because we might have things or aspects in our daily existence we are trying to avoid and in so doing, "being afraid of them" becomes the logical explanation. Fear therefore becomes an excuse and leads everyone to one unalienable conclusion: Fear sprouts from the tree of laziness, fact.

Mind blown. I mean especially when it comes to careers, relationships and intra/inter personal goals, the fear of getting to a certain level breeds itself from not wanting to make the effort in any way. The fact that you know you can achieve so much "scares you" and you hold back and end up not giving your all. Laziness.

Personal Story: I try to be as creative as I can in any and every situation, and in so doing, have opened myself to discovering new talents, or dormant ones, making me the envy of most of my friends and family here and there [hey, its my blog, let me brag a bit ;)]. I end up being the guy who can cook up a storm, play 7 musical instruments, speak eloquently and authoritatively in public, sing like an angel, dance to steal the party, write rather decently, take control of the radio airwaves and make you fall in love all over again, arrange and design things that would leave you awestruck, chop down a tree with nothing but a chainsaw (no, not an axe...who still does that), bake carrot and bran muffins for your child's bring and share party at kindergarten...I could go on, but this isn't about me is it?

One big problem I have/had, in the midst of all these "blessings" was/is the fact that I feared my own success sooooo much. It got to the point were I would start a project, no matter what it is, see how big it can get, and the potential it has to influence and touch many people or create a lasting impact, and then, I'd just slink away and let it die, slowly. Another would come up, and same process would occur and I'd respond in the same way. My justification? "I have the fear of success," "I am afraid of the unknown," or my personal favourite "I'll become too great!"

Did anyone benefit from it? Heck no. Who knows, I could have had 5 music albums, a coffee shop, my own newspaper, a radio station, a pre-school, music school (well not doing too bad here tho), been on top of everyone else in my career etc, list of what I could have achieved is endless. And most of us are like this. Its only the "brave few" that step out into the blizzard to get the firewood, and then we say, "no they have an entrepreneurial gift" or any such insecure statements, resigning ourselves to being the sheep as opposed to being the shepherd. The back seat is comfortable, and cozy, and doesn't lead to any conflict, both internally and externally.

Fearing people and their opinions is but a major plague within society as we know it. Enshrined within the United States' Declaration of Independance is one of my favourite quotes which says "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness."

So, why then fear opinion, failure, success, life, potential. Why then fear life? One thing I decided, after that "seat and listen and get stabbed in the heart whilst mind being blown" moment was that I don't want to live life saying, I could've had this or that, done this or the next. I want to know I don't have it, after having tried and tried, and tried again, because, as long as I breathe I possess the potential to do ANYTHING.